The Wedding Ring
A man went to the hospital in Co Cooktown, Queensland to have his wedding ring cut off from his penis. According to the nurse attending the operation, the patient's girlfriend found the ring in his pants pocket. She didn't know he was married and she was so mad she used petroleum jelly to slip the ring on his penis while he was asleep. I don't know what's worse: 1) Having your girlfriend find out you're married. 2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis. OR... 3) Finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring. Tough call. You decide.
Girls night out
Two wives go out for girls' night. Both got drunk, started walking home and had to pee. They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with. One used her panties the other grabbed a wreath off a grave. The next morning one husband called the other and said "no more girls night out! my wife came back with no panties." the other husband said "you think that's bad? mine came back with a card in her crack that read 'from all of us at the fire station... we'll never forget you!'"
Leave it to small children to be honest
The children began to identify the flavors by their color:
Finally, the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None of the children could identify the taste.
The teacher said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father.' One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled, 'Oh my God! They're ass-holes!